Alrighty then, let's see how long I can keep this up.
The Shanters and Slappers Premier Alliance entered it's eighth season on Thursday 16th August with one of the best attended auctions in it's history. Only Tiddles (Sydney) and Wild Bill (Stuttgart) couldn't make it but ten others did, including the returning Fruitcake and a new member in Scott. I still can't think of a nickname for the new boy so any good ideas will be gratefully received.
The auction was a torrid affair as usual. Chairman Pip was banging the gavel again, Jillytub and Laughing Glavesy brewed up their fiery beans and Purplytub poured the (many) drinks. Fruitcake provided the injury news which was sorely missed last season. Fritz brought with him 'Controversy', his trusty bedfellow of many a year. Grumps smoked his Castellas despite the smoking ban in place since early summer. Scott looked bemused at the set of freaks he volunteered to join in this season and Sardine arrived late after another exhilarating day at the orifice.
A few highs and lows of the evening:
Most £s spent on one player: £16.00M by Fruitcake on Didier Drogba of Chelsea
Most £s spent on a midfielder: £15.50M by Purplytub on Ronaldo of Manchester United
Most £s spent on a defender: £12.25M by Bugs Birney on John Terry of Chelsea
Most £s spent on a goalkeeper: £7.00M by Purplytub on Petr Cech of Chelsea
Most players bought from a Premiership club: 20 Chelsea
Least players bought from a Premiership club: 1 Birmingham
Most £s spent on players from one Premiership club: £83.00M Chelsea
Least £s spent on players from one Premiership club: £0.00 Birmingham & Sunderland
Least money spent at the auction by a manager: Grumps £30.00M
The first week
In a bizarre twist, the two managers who scrapped over the scraps on the 
Friday after the auction topped the SSPA after week one of the new season. WankWank Kanu failed to catch the eye of the eager bidders at the auction but after jetting out to Sydney on the Friday morning and agreeing terms with the Binnaway boss (see picture on right), he soon showed those bidders what they missed with seven points. All of Tiddles' other points came from defenders; three clean sheets and Ulises De La Cruz's (UDLC) assist and point for playing (pfp). So, a mighty total of 19 put the Binnaway Blades top and they were five points clear of VfB Stuttgart who also made a fine start thanks to John Utaka's five points and three clean sheets. Expect to see some German discipline instilled in to Wild Bill's side this season as his diet of sauerkraut and chips begins to kick-in big style.
Down at the bottom are Smegma United. They only had an Ivar Ingimarsson clean sheet and a Matty Derbyshire assist to show for their endeavours. Purplytub is level with the hapless Jillytub and the disappointing, under-achieving Bunny but the Smeggers are bottom on lack of goals scored.
7 comments:
Tis' a marathon, not a sprint...........ah, the old cliches are the best!
A suggestion for Scott's nickname - everytime he is mentioned I automatically think of roadrunner cos of his surname allum, you know that stuff that makes your mouth shrink when Wylie Kyote eats it....or is this just the ramblings of a twisted mind.....!!
Definitely the ramblings of a twisted mind Glavesey. Try to avoid posting comments when you are sober in future!
I think it's a little bit premature to give our new boy a nickname, let's find out what his habits are first. I couldn't spot any weaknesses at the ocktion but I think he was a a trifle starstruck to be amongst the SSPAs' finest!
I think he should have called his team the Allum Bay Rowdies though.
Can anyone post on this, or are you limited to comments? The idea of setting this up was to allow other managers an outlet to vent their feelings, grudges and spleen.
Smeggers are going to get a pasting in the Tosspot this weekend.
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