SSPA 2012/13 - Week 2 Report

The Bank Holiday weekend saw no change at the top as John Terry’s All Gold kept up their stranglehold of the SSPA with another ten points.  The Berkshire based duo of TAM TUFF and Jillytub kept up the pressure as they filled positions two and three respectively.  Down at the bottom many teams exchanged places in 15^th place but Royal Somerset Fruitcakes took up residence until next week after a poor return of two points.

Week 2 Top Scorers – Taxbore Wanderers

It had been an auspicious start for the Teddington teams in week one but Laughing Glavesy has changed all that as her team plundered 14 points to leap up to fourth place in the SSPA.  With two goals and an assist Fernando Torres repaid a chunk of his £7.50M price tag to help the Taxbores rise up the table.  Bobby Zamora and Shinji Kagawa got on the score sheet for the first time this season while Frankie Lampard doubled his total to six.  Glavesy was only let down by her defence as Shay Given scored minus two while Dickensian sounding James Tomkins of West Ham scored minus one.

The Nearly Men – The Minstrels

In what was a very good week for the Teddington teams the Minstrels also scored comparatively high points.  Robert Huth claimed a clean sheet while Fellaini, Toure and Di Santo scored goals to take the Chefs up to ninth from their poor starting position.

Almost Pointless – Wasteland United

Poland’s finest came down to Earth with a bump after their good start.  Ashley Williams once again proved he has been a canny signing with his second clean out of two but points proved hard to come by elsewhere as Chummy Linski’s team fell from second to fifth.  Danny Simpson and Steven Taylor both suffered with a minus point each as Wasteland could only muster a single point in total.

Player of the Week – Eden Hazard

Once again Bugs Birney has proved that he has an eye for talent (either that or he is dead jammy).  A few eyebrows were raised at the auction when Bunny shelled out £14M for the Belgian attacking midfielder but with 15 points in three games it looks like money well spent.  The ex-Lille player had a slight advantage over most in that he played two games during the week but all you can do is score points and that is just what he did with three more assists and a goal.  And John Terry’s All Gold definitely needed those points as the defence were hit for six minus points.

Chump of the Week – Ian Harte

Buying Reading defenders was always going to be a mistake and in the case of 34 year old Irishman Ian Harte the Smeggers have bought themselves a duffer.  The Royals were beaten 4-2 by Chelsea and similar results must surely follow.

Bargain of the Season (so far) – Branislav Ivanovic

Well he may look like he’s smelled something putrid in this photo but Ivanovic is proving to be a bargain buy for Pip.  And it’s a good job the Serbian international has scored 11 points for the Shankers as that is almost 80% of their total so far.  But what a bargain at £1.25M.

Expensive Mistake of the Season (so far) – Sergio Aguero

At a cost of £18M to Wandering Dog, Aguero is currently the second most expensive player in the SSPA.  The Argentinian was brutally hacked down by All Gold’s Patsy Clyne before he had a chance to make an impact and now looks to be ruled out for at least a month with a knee injury.  Yes, I know it’s the same write up as last week but I reckon £18M for zero points still takes it from his nearest competitors Big Joe Harte and Vincent Kompany who have both totalled minus two for £10M.

Assist droughts for three teams

Every team in the SSPA has now managed a goal but three teams are still looking for their first assist of the season.  Whiptail Lizards, currently sixth, aren’t doing too badly but a couple of assists would have put them right up there with the leaders.  Big Euge’s problem is that he only has four midfielders as he went for the weird choice of having four full backs.  The Shankers problem is that only one of their midfield players has bothered to play and Joe Allen has done little to suggest he might notch up a bag full of assists.  As for Inter Meringue, last week’s quest was to score a goal so this week’s must be to get an assist.  Cabaye of Newcastle looks to be the man most likely to for Keezer.

Tosspot League

The Tosspot League kicked of its season with the unusual of sight of Wild Bill being at the top of a league table and the fact that two games were drawn.  A clean sheet each for Meerkatsucker and Luiz added to Naismith’s assist delighted the Settle Sounders faithful in their 7-4 victory over Wandering Dog.  Duncity United went second in the embryonic Tosspot table with a 10-8 away win at the New Knobcheese Stadium.  Goals for Danny Graham and Carlos Tevez plus an assist from Karl Pilkington were enough to beat the Smeggers.  There were narrow wins also for the Fruitcakes, Minstrels and Shankers.  Inter Meringue put in a heroic performance to grab a draw at All Gold while Not So Athletic Athletic and the Lizards shared 16 points.

Results from 21-27 August

The Tosspot League Table

Fixtures for 28 Aug to 3 Sep

The stand out fixture for this week has to be Settle Sounders first ever trip to The Minstrels (I just typed ‘Monstrels’ which sounds much funnier).  Both teams have maximum points so this could be an excellent opportunity to lead the table after week two.  Taxbore Wanderers get their Tosspot season going with an exciting looking game against the Smeggers who are still reeling from their defeat to Duncity.

Taxbore Wanderers v Smegma United

Inter Meringue v Wasteland United

Duncity United v Not So Athletic Athletic

C NUT FC v John Terry’s All Gold

Whiptail Lizards v Unathletico Jillbao

Wandering Dog v Armitage Shankers

The Minstrels v Settle Sounders

No game: Royal Somerset Fruitcakes

Click here to see more details on the Tosspot League.

Auction

The first auction will be held on Friday 7 September at the Hobgoblin in Reading.  Blind bids to be opened at 8pm.  TAM TUFF is organising a fun bicycle ride the following day if anyone fancies some Wiggo action.

Premier League Transfers

The only transfer activity since the last report is the move from Manchester City to Tottingham of the Togolese striker Emmanuel Adebayor.  This means that the Shankers now have two Spuzz players and one less City player.

SSPA 2012/13 - Week 1 Report

The 2012/13 season got underway on a hot and steamy August weekend but nothing much changed as far as league positions are concerned as John Terry’s All Gold begin this term in the same way as they ended the previous campaign by occupying the top spot.  And one of last year’s top three teams is also back in third place as the Smeggers make an impressive start to the season.  It isn’t all ‘same old same old’ though as league newcomers Wasteland United reside in second place.  Down at the bottom it’s been a tough return to fantasy league action for Keezer as his Inter Meringue team prop up the rest of the division.

Week 1 Wonders – John Terry’s All Gold

Carrying on from where he left off last year, Bugs Birney, with his new charges made up of seven Englishmen, a couple of boyos from Wales and six other Europeans scored 19 points to take up the top position in the SSPA.  Bunny invested £14M in the talents of the Belgian Eden Hazard and with two assists in the first week it’s looking like money well spent.  Englishmen Jermaine Defoe and Kevin Nolan provided the goals while Irishman Shane Long got All Gold’s other assist of the week.  Clean sheets came from Taylor, Collins and Hangeland while Patsy Clyne was the only blotch on the copy book with two minus points.

The Nearly Men – Wasteland United and Smegma United

Chummy Linski made a respectable start to his SSPA career by scoring 17 points to go second in the league.  Free signing Liam Ridgewell was Wasteland United’s top scorer with five points (a goal and an assist) while Foster, Williams, Sinclair and Dickie ‘Dickie’ Lambert all chipped in with three points each.  Meanwhile TAM TUFF was indebted to Wayne Routledge’s four points to cancel out the four points lost by John Ruddy who suffered after the Cottagers gave the Canaries a good stuffing.  Rangel, Terry, Jagielka, Hughes and Le Fondeler all helped the Smeggers cause with three points each while Lallana popped in with an assist.

Almost Pointless

It’s been a long time coming but the return of the famous Inter Meringue (well, they are sort of famous in a quiet corner of Sheffield where Ronseal varnish is manufactured) was welcomed by many in the game.  However, it isn’t the start club supremo Keezer (or Kaiser Willhelm IV to give him his full name) would have wanted.  It wasn’t looking too bad as Meringue were cushioned from the bottom by a couple of other new clubs but suddenly the blanket was pulled from beneath them at some point on Monday night during the Toffees’ clash with Man Ure.  Kevin Richardson scored Meringue’s only positive points with a clean sheet but a negative point each for Kompany and Kaboul let the side down.

Player of the Week – Mladen Petrić

Unathletico Jillbao manager Jillytub purchased Petrić for £0.25M at the auction and at a cost of £31,250 per point he is already looking like a sound investment.  The Croatian striker who has over 40 caps to his name played a major part in Halfbacon’s rout of Norwich at the Cottage with two goals and assist.

Chump of the Week – Rob Green

There were four players that scored four negative points this week but seeing as Green is the most expensive signing of the group at a cost of £1.50M to Scotty Dog of Wandering Dog and the fact that he was playing at home at Fortress Loftus Road he definitely deserves the accolade.

Bargain of the Season (so far) - Mladen Petrić

It’s early days yet but there are a few contenders for the bargain of the season, those being: Ridgewell (5pts for nowt) and Routledge (4pts for bugger all).  However, the lad Petrić is out there with a point to pound ratio of 32 points per £1M.  Not a bad investment in anyone’s book.

Expensive Mistake of the Season (so far) – Sergio Aguero

At a cost of £18M to Wandering Dog, Aguero is currently the second most expensive player in the SSPA.  The Argentinian was brutally hacked down by All Gold’s Patsy Clyne before he had a chance to make an impact and now looks to be ruled out for at least a month with a knee injury.

All we are saying is ‘Give us a goal’

Three SSPA teams are still awaiting their first netbuster.  Wandering Dog, Not So Athletic Athletic and Inter Meringue went the entire first week without a goal.  With Aguero out of action Scotty Dog will have to rely on Suarez for that first goal while The Landlord will be hoping his Queens Park Ranger boys Cisse and Taarabt can score at Saturday’s Clash of the Thrashed at Carrow Road.  With only two strikers in his squad Keezer’s chances of a goal are limited but seeing as those players are RVP and Jellybitch he must surely have a chance next week.

Tosspot League

With so many teams in this year’s SSPA eventually there will be many managers finding themselves immersed in mid-table mediocrity.  This is where the other competitions come in to give those managers hope.  The Tosspot League kicks off this week (points taken from 21^st to 27^th August count) and continues until the end of February as each team play each other once on a head to head basis.  With the stand out fixture being the current Tosspot League champions John Terry’s All Gold coming up against the SSPA’s bottom team, this week’s fixtures are as follows:

Wasteland United v Royal Somerset Fruitcakes

Smegma United v Duncity United

John Terry’s All Gold v Inter Meringue

Not So Athletic Athletic v Whiptail Lizards

Armitage Shankers v CNUT FC

Unathletico Jillbao v The Minstrels

Settle Sounders v Wandering Dog

No game: Taxbore Wanderers

Click here to see more details on the Tosspot League.

Auction

The first auction will be held on Friday 7 September at the Hobgoblin in Reading.  Blind bids to be opened at 8pm.  TAM TUFF is organising a fun bicycle ride the following day if anyone fancies some Wiggo action.

Premier League Transfers

Just two more transfers to add to the list since the last correspondence.  Some bloke called Robin Van Persie has moved from Arsenal to Manchester United meaning that Inter Meringue now have three Red Devils.  He will have to part with either RVP, Paul Scholes or Rafael if Keezer makes a transfer.  Alex Song went for a song at the auction costing Jillbao just £0.50M but Jillytub will have that amount refunded as soon as she transfers the ex-Arsenal player out of her squad.  The Cameroonian midfielder moved to Barcelona earlier this week.