Tosspot League Fixtures 25/9 to 1/10

These fixtures are the last in the Tosspot League until 6th November.

Slinger's Ringers v VfB Skipton
It's Heir Fritz versus Kaiser Bill slugging it out as both of them bid to get their first points of the season. I think one of them just might go and do it as well.

Kings Road United v Wandering Dog
Table-topping rampant Kings Road look odds on favourites to make it three out of three and keep their place at the top. Or will Wandering Dog sniff out a win?

AFC Grumpledon v Armitage Shankers
The Shankers look out of sorts and have made a slow start to the season. They will not be looking forward to travelling to Grumpledon, the current Tosspot champs have made a 100% start to the season.

Binnaway Blades v Smegma United
Purps has had is only morsel of enjoyment in the Tosspot League this season with a win over Pip. This game gives him a chance to add to that as Binnaway are already looking like whipping boys in this competition.

Bruce's Bangers v Unathletico Jillbao
Both of these teams are sitting in mid-table in the embryonic Tosspot table after winning a game each. Jillbao's recent SSPA form will give them hope of snatching something at Sausage Lane.

Taxbore Wanderers v Somerset Fruitcakes
This is always one of the fixtures of the season and for once Taxbore Wanderers look to be favourites. Two fine victories have put them in second place and Glavesy would just love it if she could make the Fruitcakes crumble.

Tosspot League Review - Matchset 2

Kings Road United 23 VfB Skipton 8
A rampant Kings Road despatched Skippo to take top spot in the Tosspot League and put VfB firmly down on the bottom of the table. Ernie Adebyor did most of the damage with two goals but four clean sheets and a Dempsey goal put lots of daylight between Bunny and Kaiser Bill.

Wandering Dog 3 AFC Grumpledon 5
Wandering Dog were expected to get a good canine here but the boss of the current Tosspot champions was left feeling hot under the collar as his team scraped through. Luckily for Grumps the Dog defence went walkies as Elano grabbed the crucial assist. Captain Scott was barking orders at his defence but it was to no avail. Jamie Carragher, given a new leash of life under Scotty, gave them hope with a clean sheet but Wes Brown cancelled that out with one of his own. Dog played well and the result was wuff justice according to their fans.

Binnaway Blades 1 Armitage Shankers 4
Two clean sheets from Calamity James and Ashley Cole was enough for the Shankers to see off a poor Binnaway side to seal their first Tosspot win of the season. The Aussie side suffered with minus two each from the Spurs duo of Robinson and Chimbonda. That's two defeats out of two now for the Sydney outfit.

Bruce's Bangers 12 Smegma United 8
12 points from Manchester based players gave Bruce's Bangers a win over highly-fancied Smegma and gave them their best start to a season since 1695. Nobby Vidic with six points and three each for Evra (and Evra for Evra and Evra you'll be the one... ...that shines in me like the morning sun- aah Demis Roussos) and Micah Richards dealt the Smeggers a mortal blow.

Taxbore Wanderers 12 Unathletico Jillbao 7
Jillytub only had two fit players to choose from so she was feeling optimistic for this match. Cesc Fibre-Glass was one of those players and he scored all seven points for Jillbao. However, the Bores clean-sheeted their way to another victory in the big girlie derby.

Somerset Fruitcakes 9 Slinger's Ringers 6
In a very clean sheet packed weekend both these teams got two each but Dean Ashton's first Fruitcake goal was enough to send the Somerset faithful delirious, they are easily pleased in that part of the world though.

Curse of Jillbao

Thanks for the helpful poll Mr. Chairman. My money's on Fabregas as most of the others will have trouble breaking anything but wind whilst bench warming....

........and it would seem even the threat of me signing Heskey has cursed him with a suspected broken toe.......

Tosspot League Fixtures

Cup Draw

The draw for the preliminary round of the cup is as follows:

Smegma United v Armitage Shankers
Binnaway Blades v Unathletico Jillbao
AFC Grumpledon v VfB Skipton
Bruce's Bangers v Wandering Dog

Byes for Taxbore Wanderers, Slinger's Ringers, Somerset Fruitcakes and Kings Road United.

Don't forget to vote for the name of the cup on the Fantasy League website.

Transfer News

There was a good gathering of managers at the first mini auction of the 2007/08 season. A 58% turnout saw Chairman Pip, Purplytub, Sardine, Captain Scott, Fritz, Fruitcake and Bunny show up at the Griffin for a feast of beer and chips. Seen on the right are Captain Scott, Fritz and Fruitcake enjoying some delicious fat soaked chips on a balmy evening in Brentford. The others were playing darts at the time where Purplytub took the honours. Fruitcake later defeated Pip with an outstanding display of dart scattering.

Before all that, Fritz splashed out £5M on Brett Emerton of Blackburn and disposed of the evil Puffin Killer Herman Hreidarsson. This was the most expensive transfer of the evening but Captain Scott was the biggest spender. Recouping £1.5M for Arjen Robben he then proceeded to splash out a total of £6M on El Hadj Diouf and Baby Bouma and later added Emile Heskey to his squad on a free. What a week it has been for Heskey, recall to the England squad and a passport back in to the SSPA courtesy of Wandering Dog. Scotty also got rid of Heinze and Alan 'Smithy' Smith of Newcastle.

Wild Bill was shrewd with his millions lying in the bank and purchased Diomansy Kamara of Fulham and disposed of Stern John. Sardine brought in Forsell and McFadden for McBride and Ballack. Peter Crouch, fearing that his legs may snap at any given moment, asked for a transfer away from Jillbao. Jillytub duly obliged and let the tall man go, bringing in Mido as his replacement. Crouchy was then approached by Kings Road boss, Bugs Birney, and signed on the dotted line for the current league leaders. Unathletico also picked up Bruno N'Zogbia and got rid of the crocked Kieran Dyer. Bunny let Benjani go in the Crouch deal and completed his dealings on the night with the signing of Dempsey of Fulham, Lee Cooke was shown the door to make way.

Fruitcake bought two claret and blue clad players; Laursen of Villa and Upson of the CCC (Cheating Cockney C**nts). He released Distin and Nigel Reo-Coker. Nigel was unhappy at the Fruitcakes and was keen to join the more ambitious Armitage Shankers. Nige and Pip struck up a deal and the England player, so impressive in the first few games of the season, will be proudly wearing the Shankers shirt next week. Pip had to juggle his squad to make way for the boy Reo-Coker and Berger and Bianchi were given their P45s. Tommy Huddlestone was brought in on a free transfer to complete what's looks to be the league's best midfield down at Bogside Lane.

Grumps traded Benayoun for the incoming Smertin at a cost of £3.5M, out bidding Jillytub. Taxbore Wanderers and Binnaway Blades seem to be happy with their squads as they didn't make any bids at all. Well, that's it until the beginning of November when Jillbao will have three players left with all bones intact.

Unathleticos back four in training

Name the Cup

50% of the votes have been registered in the poll to nominate a name for the SSPA knockout competition. And the clear leader is The Jeff Stelling Shield with over 50% of the votes received. Our Jeff can be seen delivering the latest news and gasps on Sky's Saturday Soccer Weekend.

Receiving one vote so far is The Hendersons Relish Appreciation Cup. Made in Sheffield, the world's finest condiment (apart from malt vinegar) is rarely seen on sale outside of South Yorkshire. Superb on chips, gorgeous with cheese on toast and utterly delectable when liberally sprinkled on a pie crust of your choice, this ancient relish is even admired by Southerners. You can even use it to spice up your baked beans. See www.hendersonsrelish.com for more information.

The Frankly Underrated Knockout Trophy is the only other option to receive a vote so far. Personally I would have been happy to call it the simply titled Egg Cup. JUst look at this picture and tell me you couldn't knock one of these back now, with a bit of Hendersons on of course.


Those that haven't voted thus far can do so now by simply visiting the Fantasy League SSPA home page.

SSPA Mini Auctions and Transfers Rules

Mini Auctions

The SSPA's official Free Agents List will be produced 24 hours prior to the auction. Only players on this list will be up for sale.

The auction is split in to two separate parts; firstly the blind bids are opened, then live bids follow until everyone is fed up of buying players.

Blind bids can not be out bid at the auction by a live bid.

Blind bids can be sent by email or written down.

The latest time for emailed bids on the day of the auction is 6.00pm. Any emailed bids received after this time will be void because the Chairman will be in the pub.

Blind bids can be brought along to the auction and can be written out and handed in at any time up until 8.00pm.

Second and third choices can be added to a blind bid in case the first bid fails.

If the manager is not going to be present at the auction, each player to be discarded for each player purchased must be included on the blind bid.

Bids must be in increments of £250K. FREE bids are allowed.

In the case of equal highest bids, the team placed lowest in the league will be successful in purchasing the player.

Discarded players are available for purchase when the live bids commence.

Players purchased on the night can not be released until the next auction unless it is to another SSPA club.

Managers must take responsibility for their own budgets.

Mistakes will be rectified when the transfers are processed, usually the following day.

Too many players from one club: Must release last player bought from that club.

Exceeded budget: Must release player that caused the manager to go over their budget.

Other Transfer Issues

When a player transfers out of the Premiership (e.g. to Spain or Accrington Stanley):

• The manager has the original purchase amount refunded to their account.
  

• This amount is available to use at a mini auction provided the departed player is discarded during the auction.
  

• All managers will be informed of the addition to the managers' budget.
  

When a player transfers from one Premiership club to another:

• The player is transferred out and then back in again to change the club identity of the player (Fantasy League do not do this automatically, because they are silly).
  

• If the SSPA team already has two players from that club then the player is not moved. However the manager must, on their next transaction, transfer out one of the three players from that Premiership club.
  

Transfer deals between SSPA managers can take place at any time provided the Chairman is informed of the deal. The only exclusions to this are at the main auction and within 24 hours of the start of a mini auction.

They can take place during the live bids part of the auction.

Only the SSPA Chairman is allowed to process player transfers.

The transfer deadline for all transfers is at the end of the March.

Tosspot League Review

Reports from the games played between 21st and 27th August

Slinger's Ringers 9 Kings Road United 15

Bunny's boys were buzzing and put in a solid display against the Ringers at the Hun Stadium. Frankie Lampard Junior scored a goal to add to United's four clean sheets. However, the goal came at a price as it will be almost bonfire night before we see young Frankie again as he has torn his left thigh (ouch). Ashley Young assisted twice for Heir Riedlinger's team but it was to no avail.

VfB Skipton 5 Wandering Dog 10

Wandering Dog have an amazing 100% record in this competition. Yes, it reads played one won one. Nicolas Anelka continued his impressive start to the season with a goal and an assist to steal the points from Wild Bill's clutches. Andrei Voronin opened his account for Skippo with the same points combination but the rest of the team offered little else.

AFC Grumpledon 6 Binnaway Blades -1

Wes Brown and Mark Viduka combined to give the defending Tosspot League champions the perfect start at home to Binnaway. After the Sydney outfit's amazing start the week before there were some predicting a shock victory but Grumps is a wily old fox and Binnaway never got out of the starting block.

Armitage Shankers 2 Smegma United 11

The Shankers faithful were left bemused by this off colour performance in this local derby encounter at Bogside. The Smeggers clean sheeted their way to a win but Matt Oakley added a goal to rub salt in to Pip's wounds. Purps goes to the top of the league courtesy of this fine victory.

Bruce's Bangers 6 Taxbore Wanderers 11

Taxbore Wanderers have made their best start to an SSPA season for 79 years and they carried their form through to the Tosspot League. Torres the bull and Nani Goat scored the goals for Laughing Glavesy's team. Vidic and Evra responded with clean sheets but the Bores were far too strong for the Bangers.

Unathletico Jillbao 6 Somerset Fruitcakes 5

Midfield boys Cesc Fibreglass and Gary Speed helped themselves to goals in this narrowest of victories for Jillbao. The two, so far escaping the Curse of Jillbao, rattled home a goal each while Drogba (assist) and Santa Cruz (goal) replied for the Cakes.

Jillbao Beat Transfer Deadline To Land New Player