The 2012/13 season got underway on a hot and steamy August
weekend but nothing much changed as far as league positions are concerned as
John Terry’s All Gold begin this term in the same way as they ended the
previous campaign by occupying the top spot.
And one of last year’s top three teams is also back in third place as
the Smeggers make an impressive start to the season. It isn’t all ‘same old same old’ though as
league newcomers Wasteland United reside in second place. Down at the bottom it’s been a tough return
to fantasy league action for Keezer as his Inter Meringue team prop up the rest
of the division.
Week 1 Wonders – John Terry’s All Gold
Carrying on from where he left off last year, Bugs Birney,
with his new charges made up of seven Englishmen, a couple of boyos from Wales
and six other Europeans scored 19 points to take up the top position in the
SSPA. Bunny invested £14M in the talents
of the Belgian Eden Hazard and with two assists in the first week it’s looking
like money well spent. Englishmen
Jermaine Defoe and Kevin Nolan provided the goals while Irishman Shane Long got
All Gold’s other assist of the week.
Clean sheets came from Taylor, Collins and Hangeland while Patsy Clyne
was the only blotch on the copy book with two minus points.
The Nearly Men – Wasteland United and Smegma United
Chummy Linski made a respectable start to his SSPA career by
scoring 17 points to go second in the league.
Free signing Liam Ridgewell was Wasteland United’s top scorer with five
points (a goal and an assist) while Foster, Williams, Sinclair and Dickie ‘Dickie’
Lambert all chipped in with three points each.
Meanwhile TAM TUFF was indebted to Wayne Routledge’s four points to
cancel out the four points lost by John Ruddy who suffered after the Cottagers
gave the Canaries a good stuffing.
Rangel, Terry, Jagielka, Hughes and Le Fondeler all helped the Smeggers
cause with three points each while Lallana popped in with an assist.
Almost Pointless
It’s been a long time coming but the return of the famous
Inter Meringue (well, they are sort of famous in a quiet corner of Sheffield
where Ronseal varnish is manufactured) was welcomed by many in the game. However, it isn’t the start club supremo
Keezer (or Kaiser Willhelm IV to give him his full name) would have wanted. It wasn’t looking too bad as Meringue were
cushioned from the bottom by a couple of other new clubs but suddenly the
blanket was pulled from beneath them at some point on Monday night during the
Toffees’ clash with Man Ure. Kevin
Richardson scored Meringue’s only positive points with a clean sheet but a
negative point each for Kompany and Kaboul let the side down.
Player of the Week – Mladen Petrić
Unathletico Jillbao manager Jillytub
purchased Petrić for £0.25M at the auction and at a cost of £31,250 per point
he is already looking like a sound investment.
The Croatian striker who has over 40 caps to his name played a major
part in Halfbacon’s rout of Norwich at the Cottage with two goals and assist.
Chump of the Week – Rob Green
There were four
players that scored four negative points this week but seeing as Green is the
most expensive signing of the group at a cost of £1.50M to Scotty Dog of
Wandering Dog and the fact that he was playing at home at Fortress Loftus Road
he definitely deserves the accolade.
Bargain of the Season (so far) - Mladen Petrić
It’s early days yet but there are a few
contenders for the bargain of the season, those being: Ridgewell (5pts for
nowt) and Routledge (4pts for bugger all).
However, the lad Petrić is out there with a point to pound ratio of 32
points per £1M. Not a bad investment in
anyone’s book.
Expensive Mistake of the Season (so far) – Sergio Aguero
At a cost of £18M to Wandering Dog, Aguero
is currently the second most expensive player in the SSPA. The Argentinian was brutally hacked down by
All Gold’s Patsy Clyne before he had a chance to make an impact and now looks
to be ruled out for at least a month with a knee injury.
All we are saying is ‘Give us a goal’
Three SSPA teams are still awaiting their first
netbuster. Wandering Dog, Not So
Athletic Athletic and Inter Meringue went the entire first week without a
goal. With Aguero out of action Scotty
Dog will have to rely on Suarez for that first goal while The Landlord will be
hoping his Queens Park Ranger boys Cisse and Taarabt can score at Saturday’s Clash
of the Thrashed at Carrow Road.
With only two strikers in his squad Keezer’s chances of a goal are
limited but seeing as those players are RVP and Jellybitch he must surely have
a chance next week.
Tosspot League
With so many teams in this year’s SSPA eventually there will
be many managers finding themselves immersed in mid-table mediocrity. This is where the other competitions come in
to give those managers hope. The Tosspot
League kicks off this week (points taken from 21st to 27th
August count) and continues until the end of February as each team play each
other once on a head to head basis. With
the stand out fixture being the current Tosspot League champions John Terry’s
All Gold coming up against the SSPA’s bottom team, this week’s fixtures are as
follows:
Wasteland United v Royal Somerset Fruitcakes
Smegma United v Duncity United
John Terry’s All Gold v Inter Meringue
Not So Athletic Athletic v Whiptail Lizards
Armitage Shankers v CNUT FC
Unathletico Jillbao v The Minstrels
Settle Sounders v Wandering Dog
No game: Taxbore Wanderers
Click
here to see more details on the Tosspot League.
Auction
The first auction will be held on Friday 7 September
at the Hobgoblin in Reading. Blind bids
to be opened at 8pm. TAM TUFF is
organising a fun bicycle ride the following day if anyone fancies some Wiggo
action.
Premier League
Transfers
Just two more transfers to add to the list since the last
correspondence. Some bloke called Robin
Van Persie has moved from Arsenal to Manchester United meaning that Inter
Meringue now have three Red Devils. He
will have to part with either RVP, Paul Scholes or Rafael if Keezer makes a
transfer. Alex Song went for a song at
the auction costing Jillbao just £0.50M but Jillytub will have that amount
refunded as soon as she transfers the ex-Arsenal player out of her squad. The Cameroonian midfielder moved to Barcelona
earlier this week.
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